I renewed my account. That’s a whole extra year that I have the opportunity to write on this blog. That’s a whole extra year that I get to share my opinions and thoughts about epilepsy and athletics and whatever else (whether anyone reads this, that is on them).

It has been nearly 5 years since my last seizure. Which is amazing. 5 years ago I was put on a new medication and that changed everything. The only side effect I had was that I gained about 15lbs. I was definitely not happy about that. Since that was during the pandemic, I also gained 10lbs as well. So while I was feeling great about not having seizures, I wasn’t thrilled about the weight change. I can say “my clothes don’t all fit properly” (which is true), but it’s not the only truth. It took me a long time to get used to my “new body”. I just keep in mind that I would rather not have seizures.

In celebration of renewing my account, last night I drank most of a bottle of wine, stayed up late, and watched a few Marvel and Disney movies. It was not a responsible, mature way to celebrate and I realize that. However, I feel like it continues to suit the person I am. The person I have always been, and likely the person I will continue to be.

Pros and Cons of Me and Why I Still Think I Should Have This Blog

Pros:

• I have a strong work and learning ethic, whether for my career, sports, languages and I think that is an attribute that can be daunting, but maybe knowing someone else goes through it helps (?)
• Really value sharing my experiences as an epileptic and as an athlete with others in similar (or even dissimilar) situations to help navigate their experiences
• However a person views my decision making/life choices is up to them, but I’ve made the choice that I would rather search for adventure and happiness than be afraid

Cons:

• I write about things that I am able to do (now) that I could not do a few years ago or when I was younger without having seizures. Those things also apply to people with different forms of epilepsy and seizure conditions
• I do make choices that suit me and the life I want, and that isn’t for everyone… (except that I feel like making choices for oneself and the life a person wants is for everyone, even if it’s not the same as the ones I pick)
• Maybe people are just tired of reading about this

Either way, they both have really good points. Honestly, I think the “cons” part actually also supports why I should keep writing. I might be seizure free for now, but I still have to take medication. I still get turned down for jobs because of it. I still know that my body could adapt to the medication and the seizures could start again, causing huge changes to my life. Knowing that actually pushes me to keep being the person I am, however “you” may take it.

Also, I am learning to cook still. I have managed eggs, and breakfast burritos. One successful quesadilla (two unsuccessful attempts). This is a big step for me because of the experience with epilepsy and now I’m choosing to take advantage of the time I have while things seem calmed down. Going forward, I’m pretty sure I will be talking a lot more about cooking. Next step (now that I have eggs down) will be rice. Maybe one day even noodles.

Remember always: Choice, choice, choice.