I’m at the airport in Glasgow, this post is being started in Scotland but will likely be posted in Canada. If I actually go back…It was a pretty close call until this morning. It snowed a lot in Calgary over the last few days. In the last four days I hiked Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, walked the Royal Mile for the 30th-ish time from this trip and still loved it. I went to St. Mungos Cathedral and George’s Square in Glasgow yesterday. And it snowed in Calgary.

More detail. Sunday was my last full day in Edinburgh. I started the morning by hiking Arthur’s Seat for sunrise. At that time of day, there were actually very few people and I had privacy, I felt strong, and the view was breathtaking. It was a total of 72 flights that I hiked. I saw runners going around the park and up the hill. I thought to myself “if I lived here, this would be how I would want to see the sunrise”. I tripped while hiking and tore open the cuts on my knees that were starting to heal.

It snowed in Calgary.

I walked the Royal Mile again. I went to three (four?) different pubs. I spoke with the servers at the venues that I have become a regular at, and they gave me sass that I should stay in Scotland instead of going back. I had lunch with one of the amazing people that I’ve met in my time here. I didn’t get lost while walking around, and I felt confident enough to walk down some of the closes that are all over the place.

It snowed in Calgary. It’s the beginning of October.

On Monday I took the train to Glasgow. It was raining when I arrived (karma didn’t want me to go to Glasgow because it knew that was en route to Calgary) and I was a bit flustered. I found my accommodation eventually (which is lovely) and went out for dinner at a pub that was recommended. The food and service were excellent, although having spent the last few days with new friends in Edinburgh, a little lonely!

Snow. Calgary. Snow.

Tuesday. My last full day in Scotland. St. Mungos Cathedral was beautiful. I spent an hour there just appreciating the architecture and art. I don’t even know how old it is. There were other people there, and when they left, they spoke to me. I was touched that I was a stranger in that building and they still acknowledged me.

I was provided with photos of snow in Calgary.

I walked to George’s Square and got a coffee. I sat in the square and people-watched. There were people who clearly lived there, and those who were clearly tourists. There is a lot of shopping, and I actually had to pick up a new piece of luggage for all the things I’ve purchased on this trip. The Square is very open for sunlight and there were times when it was actually really warm.

SNOW

So now I’m at the airport in Glasgow, having one coffee (only one!) because I hope to sleep on the flight to Halifax. I’m waiting anxiously to get on the plane (still an hour to go) because at that point, finally, at that moment, I will confirm that I am going back to Canada. This blog is on its fourth draft because I’ve had so many versions of what I want to say and ways to say it.

The scars on my knees will heal and remind me of this trip. Unfortunately, I will get more scars. I fall. I run, and I fall on concrete, gravel, general pavement. Not so often cobblestones. Eventually the scars will heal and blend in with all the others.

I am more than a little resentful of going back to Canada. I am more than a little resentful that the reason right now is because I need the medical coverage that I have there. I know that it snows in Scotland too, but it is a very different degree of weather. Running outside is still an option in Scotland, and now only the most dedicated runners will be running outdoors in Calgary (which I am not one of).

It is not very often that I am actually resentful to my medical condition. This is what my reality is, I cannot change my reality, this is how my life is and will continue to be. But right now, in this moment, I resent it. I dislike that something is making a decision for my life and what I can or cannot do.

I had better go find my gate so I’m sure not to miss my flight back to the land of snow and bears.

(As an addition to this post, after the six and a half hour flight from Glasgow, I am in so much pain. I am way too tall for this seat and my legs, which were already sore, are killing me. I have no idea how I will do the race in four days, and I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea).