This was a conversation with my partner. My partner has epilepsy, but it is a different type of epilepsy. We were discussing what we would wish for the other person in their epilepsy (without just wishing epilepsy itself was not a factor at all).

He wished for me that I would have auras. So that I would know in advance, even just 60 seconds, that I would have a seizure. That would give me enough time to sit down, to tell someone, to ensure that I don’t hit my head on things. That’s literally my biggest issue, the concussions, the injuries, all of them result from me not knowing that it is going to happen. I might be running and then suddenly I will wake up in a hospital afterwards. He wished for the thing that I didn’t think about. An aura.

For him, with a different type of epilepsy, I wished that his was less severe. I wished that his seizures didn’t require emergency medications because his seizures could continue endlessly. His is different. Maybe he has a warning, but they are definitely more severe. I wish they were less severe. He might not get a concussion while running, or fall in the shower, but the simple occurrence of a seizure would be so significant.

We can wish these things. Wishing doesn’t mean they will happen, or that they can happen. Life isn’t a fairy story where we can wish on a magic star and there will be happy results. Yet, it doesn’t mean that things can’t change, or evolve, or will have to stay stagnant. We might have changes in our conditions. We might never. The point is that we are aware of what condition we have, the existence of it, and the nuances of it.

There is also the time of it. I’ve been diagnosed since I was a teenager, so I’ve had a lot of time to live with this as my reality. I’ve known people who were born with it. I’ve also known people who developed it as adults. I absolutely cannot imagine what it would be like to begin having seizures as an adult after having a teenage and maybe young-adult life without it. The things I know to do about my condition (whether I comply with them or not) are something I’ve known for a really long time. Having to learn a new set of rules, a new set of restrictions or obligations, I have so much compassion for those individuals who experience it.

I think that the biggest thing that I would wish for someone else: Be compassionate to yourself. It might not be fair. It might change your entire world. It might never be able to be fully controlled or go away. That doesn’t mean that you are any less worthy of love, worthy of respect, or just worthy in every positive way. Give yourself a hug. I wish for you to know how strong you are.

Note: The chinchilla in this picture is happy and loves themselves because why would they not? They have a snack. Go get a snack and love yourself as much as the chinchilla.