If I reflect on my blog posts from the last year, I had a pretty positive year. I learned a lot, I accomplished a lot, I had some pretty amazing experiences. That’s what social media is. It’s an expression of the things I want to be focusing on, and I want to share. Maybe even what I just want to pretend my life is consistently like.
Sometimes I read my posts again. I forget about things I’ve done because it is very easy to get wrapped up in less positive things. And by wrapped up, I also mean drowned, suffocated, overwhelmed.
Ignoring all representations made by me on social media, I am waving “fair thee well” to 2018 with my middle finger.
There are a great number of things that I didn’t share. Some don’t reflect well on me. Some mean absolutely nothing even. There are an entire slew of things that fall into the gray areas that are both positive and negative (or neither or both).
Some of 2018 was pretty terrible. Those things don’t really appear in my blog posts. I was turned down for jobs that I was qualified for, training that would have made me better at my job, career opportunities for future positions with my current employer. I have had problems with work, conflicts with family and issues with friends. My epilepsy was inconvenient, to say the least. My ability to do my job has suddenly been called into question due to my medical condition. My running injuries have kept me out of my sneakers for much longer than (I think) really needed. My life isn’t polished and shiny.
At the same time: I ran two marathons and a number of other races. I travelled a lot. I learned and developed positive characteristics. I am ambitious and strong willed. I am dedicated. I will give love and the entirety of myself to friends, family, relationships and newcomers. The choice to accept that intensity can be up to them. I learned to do a walkover. I met new people in the epilepsy community internationally and spoke again at Epilepsy Awareness Day at Disneyland Resort. I argued at a panel at the Calgary Comic Expo about The Hobbit.
I am everything I’ve learned and more.
I’ve written about it before, about the things I’ve learned in just this year alone. I am enough. I am strong. I can persevere. The world is out there, and despite my epilepsy and exhaustion, I can see it on my own terms.
So my New Years Resolutions are thus:
1) Be more honest. This applies in real life, in my blog, and all general social media. No one has a perfect life and I don’t need to pretend that I do.
2) Do another marathon, and get my time down under 4:45 (I’d like to say 4:30, but baby steps).
3) Every time someone says something to me like I am “reactive”, I will remind myself that synonyms include “passionate” and “dedicated”. I will taken the recognition that I am not a robot as a compliment.
4) Learn to tell the differences between glasses of wine besides “red”, “white” and “empty”.
5) Go to at least two new places that I’ve never been before.
6) Start using quotes from literature (because I do actually read a lot) instead of just Disney films.
That’s my summary of 2018. It will be remembered to me as the hardest year of my life. Fortunately, we are now in 2019. As a start to this upcoming AMAZING year: this morning when I went to take my morning medication, I dropped them all on the bed. In one fell swoop, I caught all of them, counted and verified that I had all of them, and managed to consume them before falling back asleep. My second thought of 2019 was “this is going to be a good year!” (I won’t tell you what the first thought was). But I say this now to everyone: THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT YEAR!!!!!!